He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
