I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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