im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
