Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
