This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize