He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
