I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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