So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
