I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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