So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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