Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
