literally had 100 drinks last night.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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