the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hippo gnu deer
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
