You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
