some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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