Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My penis needs a shock collar
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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