pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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