Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize