I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
