Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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