Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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