Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
