it hurts more in the daytime
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
