I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just puked most of my soul out..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
