Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wear drunk well.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
