i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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