Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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