No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
