Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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