I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
