shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
