Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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