Don't you send me to vm
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
