So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
