A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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