69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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