Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
