dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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