I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize