I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my poor anus
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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