Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
