Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize