I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
