a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
