How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
