Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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