We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
