did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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