made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I touched a dick in church today
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
