it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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