Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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