My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
