if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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