He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize