Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
