Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
there is puke in my bra ... again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
