Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
