I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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