why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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