im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
