Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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