Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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