I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
