i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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