Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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