i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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